"¡Te amo, daddy! It's alright; it's okay- we love you!" Those were the words that I said to my father as he passed from this world to another world that I only know through my studies of the Bible. At 11:35pm on Saturday, February 4, 2023, my whole heart broke- my dad had passed away.
The two minutes that followed were filled with gasping, intense loss, sadness, shock, but more than I ever believed, those minutes were filled with peace, tranquility, and love. My dad was a great man. I'm not even holding a bias! Ask anyone who knew him! He was a fair man with an easy yoke who was slow to anger and even slower to cast you away. He was strong in his faith, work ethic, and role as a beloved husband, father, brother, cousin, classmate, worker, and true friend to all.
He turned his head to the right and looked up. I know he saw the face of the Lord. The Lord took him by the hand and led him into Glory. My daddy was a praying man. He was a realist. He was a dreamer. He was a joyful and playful soul with a large, energetic spirit. The Lord clearly needed him in Heaven, but I sure do wish that he were still here, physically with us. I'm just keeping it real, but the Lord is kind and merciful. Good grief focused on God will teach you that.
The days after his passing were surprisingly filled with love. I began to see grief as an invitation to talk to my father and to ask the Holy Family for their intercession with getting my daddy's soul to Heaven. I know he wanted to tell us more at the end, as that he was a total chatterbox and had so much wisdom and wit about him. I can hear his guidance in my head and I can feel his love in my heart. I make every attempt to live in the way that my father did, which is a true blessing.
As I navigate my grief, four months later, to the day, I look at the event and the grief that was naturally conjured up as a roadmap to defining love. My daddy used to talk about how much he loved his father, which I believed and knew, but oh how the impact of those words and feelings hit me as I reflected on my love for my own father. I truly came to know what love is. But, questions still remain. How do you know what love is? How do you know when you love someone? How do you know if someone loves you? Well, these are questions that have been asked for centuries, but my answer to them is very simple. To know what love is or is not, lose someone close to you and then everything you feel will reveal to you the answers. And, just maybe your grief can become a roadmap defining how to love unconditionally as it has been for me and my experience.
Be well, daddy! My best friend, confidant, and shining north star. Until we meet again, strong soldier, I salute you and all that you were, which was everything to me. ¡Te amo, te adoro y te extraño! -BNC